Wolves Send KG To Celtics In Exchange For Entire Team, All Draft Picks, Ainge's Soul

The Boston Celtics and Minnesota Timberwolves reached an historic agreement certain to upset the balance of power in the Eastern Conference, a spokesperson for the Celtics confirmed Monday. The proposed deal would send Minnesota's All-NBA forward Kevin Garnett to Boston in exchange for the entire Celtics roster (other than Ray Allen and Paul Pierce), every draft pick in the foreseeable future, and general manager Danny Ainge's eternal soul.

"We couldn't be happier with the deal," gushed an effusive Ainge. "Sure we may only have three players left, but those three players are perennial All-Stars and consummate professionals. And by unloading so many players to Minnesota, we may have just enough room under the cap to sign someone for the veteran's minimum. Basically, we're on cloud nine here in Boston."

The blockbuster deal will likely leave an indelible mark on the NBA record books whether the Celtics win a championship or not. When the three All-Stars take the court together this season, it will mark the first time that a team has ever entered a season with less players on the roster than there are legally allowed on the court at one time. In fact, Garnett was reportedly already thrilled about the prospect of entering the Boston Hoop-It-Up 3-on-3 tournament with his new teammates the next time it rolls through town.

"I have been so close to winning it for so many years," confided Garnett. "I think Paul, Ray, and I can finally make it past the quarters. Hell, we may even enter the Top Gun division. Who knows?"

While the deal certainly signals an attempt by the Celtics to make a concerted run at the Finals with the veterans they have, it also ushers in a youth movement for the Wolves. Minnesota will likely have one of the youngest teams in the NBA next season, not to mention one of the fullest. GM Kevin McHale looks forward to what he feels will be the most competitive Training Camp that Minnesota has ever seen.

"With close to 30 players now on the roster, I fully anticipate the competition heating up come October," said McHale in a statement released to the media Monday evening.

The true determinant of which team ultimately walks away from this deal as the clear-cut winner, however, will likely hinge on the previously mentioned inclusion of Celtics' GM Danny Ainge's soul as the kicker.

When asked about surrendering control of his eternal fate and spiritual being, Ainge took a somewhat guarded stance on the issue.

"The fans here have been waiting a long time for another championship," remarked Ainge of the Boston faithful. "They are the most faith- did you say soul?!? Oh no...how long ago did I fax...oh sweet lord...McHALE!!!!!

Jason Kapono Still Waiting For Team USA Practice Invite

Jason Kapono's patience is beginning to wear a bit thin as he continues to await what he considers an almost certain invitation to participate on the Team USA practice squad.

The team, comprised of the best young up-and-coming talent in the NBA, will practice with and scrimmage against Team USA in an effort to help prepare them for next month's Olympic qualifying tournament in Las Vegas.

"I think it's only a matter of time before they come calling," Kapono boasted when asked of his chances of making the elite squad. "You can never have too many shooters out there to stretch the defense."

Managing director of the national team, Jerry Colangelo, has apparently identified a core group of 8-10 young NBA players that he plans on bringing in to not only help the current Team USA ready itself for international competition, but also as a potential glimpse into what the future of USA basketball might look like. Players already invited to the practice squad include Brandon Roy, Al Jefferson, Monta Ellis, Andre Iguodala, and David Lee.

Despite the seemingly dwindling amount of roster spots, Kapono remains confident that his somewhat specified skill-set will only help his chances of receiving an invitation.

"Look, let's be honest here. They don't need another guy who can slash, defend, and rebound. That's a dime a dozen in the league. If they're smart, they'll see that what I bring to the table is exactly what they are going to face from the international teams. I don't create my own shot; I don't play defense; I spot up and let if fly. I am 90% of what they will be seeing in Olympic play. We need to play smarter, not better...that is unless we want another bronze. Jason Kapono is their ticket to gold."