Point Shaving Latest Reason Grandfather Hates NBA

In light of the recent point shaving scandal involving veteran NBA referee Tim Donaghy, millions of grandfathers around the country were given a much-desired opportunity to rant about their feelings towards the professional basketball league.

At weekend family get-togethers throughout the nation, NBA fans were subjected to what was assuredly a long-winded and bigotry-infused diatribe about the current state of the league relative to its previous eras.

"I mean, I'm sort of used to the racist comments and little asides on the purity of the game, but this new business about fixing games has really lit a fire under the old man," said Atlanta resident Steve Sampson, whose grandfather has not watched an NBA game since 1987. "I'm just glad it wasn't a black guy or a female official. I don't think I would have ever heard the end of that."

With further investigation pending, along with the extensive media coverage of the controversy, NBA fans see little possibility of a respite from the criticism for at least a few more months.

"I think Thanksgiving is shot," replied NBA fan and Dallas resident Mark Johnson, upon being asked when he thought normal conversation with his grandfather might resume. "I'm hoping that by Christmas the Democratic presidential primary race will have heated up to the point that the majority of his hostility will be consumed with all that."

Investigation Reveals Bavetta Took Dive In All-Star Race With Barkley

Already reeling from this weekend's scandalous headlines implicating referee Tim Donaghy in a point-shaving racket involving the mafia, the NBA received another blow Saturday when an independent investigation revealed that longtime official Dick Bavetta took a dive in his All-Star weekend race against TNT personality Charles Barkley.

In the report released to the media, Bavetta apparently took out a large bet against himself in order to pay off debts to the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP). The veteran official had long been rumored to be a covert operative for the organization placed in the league in order to referee in a manner that would help restore the game "to the way it used to be." His orders were clear: "stop all the dadgum travelin', no showboatin', and no slam dunkin' the basketball." Despite the obvious difficulty built into the job, representatives of the organization felt that progress was being made. That is until Saturday.

NBA commissioner David Stern quickly began damage control, releasing the following statement.

"We would like to assure our fans that no amount of effort, time or personnel is being spared to assist in this investigation, to bring to justice an individual who has betrayed the most sacred trust in professional sports, and to take the necessary steps to protect against this ever happening again," Stern said. "We will have more to say at a press conference that will be scheduled for next week."

The incident is yet another black eye for the league in a season that has seen numerous on- and off-court controversies, and more turmoil may be on the way as Bavetta has hinted that he will likely reveal the names of other officials and players involved in the race-fixing scandal.