Medvedenko Realizing Free Agency Not As Great As Shaq Described

Unrestricted free agent forward Slava Medvedenko is quickly coming to the realization that the wining and dining free agency courting process described by his former Lakers teammates is not quite as lavish as he had been led to believe.

"Shaq tells of fancy dinners, beautiful women...I see none of this," lamented Medvedenko.

The seventh-year forward out of the Ukraine had spent the majority of his NBA career with the Los Angeles Lakers before being picked up last season by the Atlanta Hawks.

When reached for comment, Medvedenko had just exited a Los Angeles-area Arby's after a business meeting with his agent. Though Medvedenko would not specify what teams have contacted him, he did not rule out a return to the Lakers. While he noted that he ideally prefers the milder climate and laid-back lifestyle of the West to the hustle and bustle of the East, his strongest preference at the moment is for someone, anyone to call and mercifully end the sleepless nights of gentle sobbing in his underwear next to the soul-crushing silence of his telephone. Anyone but the Hawks, I mean. He said there's no way in hell he's going back there.