NBA 'At End of Rope'; Sends Jackson, Artest To Rooms

After the most recent in a long string of off-the-court misconduct issues, an exasperated David Stern took a bold step in attempting to curtail the recurring transgressions of the Warrriors' Stephen Jackson and the Kings' Ron Artest.

On the heels of the latest seven game suspensions handed down to the repeat offenders (for separate incidents), the commissioner changed approaches with how he is going to deal with the seemingly oblivious Jackson and Artest.

"I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and something he said really hit home," said Stern in a Sunday evening press conference. "I need to put my foot down and re-establish control of the situation."

In an effort to do just that, Stern went on to announce that both Jackson and Artest were being sent to their respective rooms to "think about what they've done." In addition to the initial punishment, neither player will be allowed to participate in any organized team activities for the next four weekends, nor will they be allowed dessert upon completion of dinner.

When informed of commissioner Stern's latest stipulations, an indignant Artest covered his ears and stomped away before answering any questions, while Stephen Jackson clutched his hand gun and knife to his chest, screaming "Mine! Mine! You can't have 'em"

It is believed that representatives for the NBAPA have already begun the process of appealing the punishments. While not likely to challenge the room banishment, the NBAPA feels that the withholding of dessert is too severe a consequence when comparing recent punishments for commensurate off-the-court misconduct.

We have also received unsubstantiated speculation that in addition to the terms of punishment outlined in the press conference, Stern may require Jackson and Artest to help clean out his gutters if he feels that the players have not adequately learned their lesson.