Bo Outlaw Momentarily Ecstatic Upon Reading Travis Outlaw Signs With Portland

Free agent power forward Bo Outlaw felt his heart momentarily leap from his chest Wednesday as he read about the Trail Blazers re-signing small forward Travis Outlaw to a three-year deal. The spontaneous joy lasted only a few seconds, however as he quickly realized his error.

"I'm sad to say that it wasn't the first time I've made this mistake," a despondent Bo Outlaw remarked by telephone from his Orlando home. "In the 2003 draft, I thought for a split second that I had somehow been re-drafted. I know what you're thinking, but that instant is inescapable. I mean, it's just not a common last name."

When asked about his own prospects for the coming season, Outlaw muttered something about retirement before trailing off into unintelligible ramblings of the 1999 "Heart and Hustle" season during his first stint with the Magic.

Steve Francis Era Comes To A Close In Portland

The Steve Francis era came to an emotional end Wednesday as the Blazers bought out the remaining $30-million left on the former all-star's contract. In what can only be described as one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching decisions I've ever had to watch a front office make, Portland has cut ties with "Stevie Franchise" after arguably the most successful 13 day span since Bill Walton donned a Blazers jersey.

For the sake of our beloved Stevie, let's do ourselves a service and just let the tears flow. There are times to be strong and there are times like this. If you'll indulge me a bit and allow me to editorialize for a minute here, what were the Blazers thinking!?! This looked like the turning point for a franchise in disrepair. I mean, since acquiring Francis, the town had rallied around the much-maligned organization and had begun to rekindle it's love of the once-dominant Blazers. We had seen billboards, parades, pep rallies...I just don't get it.

Now all they're left with is a bitter taste in their mouth and a $30-million heartache. And to think, I actually thought the Blazers were serious about turning it around this time.

The now questionable state of the Blazers aside, what will become of Steve? With the combination of Steve's insatiable sense of philanthropy and the downtrodden state of the economy, I give him a year - two tops - before he has given all his earnings away to the less fortunate. For this reason I am proposing that we all rally around Steve and form a "Save The Franchise" organization to ensure our little champion's well-being. In fact, as a sign of solidarity, I am donating the Steve Francis Trail Blazers jersey I purchased on Monday to be auctioned off on Ebay, with all the proceeds going to STF. We're all going to have to sacrifice if we want to make a difference. What say you, fellow humans? One of our own needs us. If you're on board, leave me a comment about what you plan to do for Steve. Gotta run, I have Cuttino Mobley on the line and he is donating the jock strap they shared during their time in Orlando and Houston. The wheels are in motion...

Oden Takes High Road, Bows Out Of Summer League

Greg Oden is a gentleman's gentleman. What more can you say about the guy after learning that he has bowed out of the rest of this season's Summer League games? Obviously the most natural conclusion to draw is that this was an act of deference and submission to Marco Belinelli as the run-away Rookie of the Year, in spite of it only being July.

Now the Blazers would like us to believe that this hiatus has been brought upon as a result of health-related issues, but we've all been around the game long enough to see right through that kind of posturing. Tonsils the size of golf balls? We're not buying it, Blazers. The only golf balls responsible for this move are the ones nestled snuggly beneath Marco Belinelli's compression shorts.