Blockbuster Trade Falls Through As GMs Pull Heads From Asses

A potential blockbuster trade was "very close" to completion last week before talks deteriorated between the teams involved in the proposed three-way deal. Sources have confirmed that the rumored swap would have sent versatile Lakers forward Lamar Odom to the Nets, high flying Richard Jefferson from the Nets to the Bobcats, and up-and-coming forward Gerald Wallace from the Bobcats to the Lakers.

The deal apparently hit a snag when Bobcats minority owner Michael Jordan pulled his head out of his ass and realized that the agreement "would not really change much for any of the teams involved and require quite a bit of paperwork."

When asked to respond to the comments made by Jordan, Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak attempted to rationalize the trade, saying something about Gerald Wallace and Kobe having the same agent before finally assenting.

"You know, he does have a point," conceded Kupchak. "I mean fans don't realize just how much paperwork is involved in these deals."

Nets GM Rod Thorn could not be reached for comment, but a representative for the team confessed that the organization "actually really prefers Richard [Jefferson] to the other two players involved," but that the Nets were "just being polite since the trade probably wouldn't have gotten [them] out of the second round in the East either way."

Despite all this, there are rumblings out of Charlotte that Jordan may be willing to reconsider the deal if the Nets throw in a conditional second round draft pick, saying, "Ooh...You can never have too many of those."

Wallace, Bobcats Deadlocked In Most Meaningless Negotiation In NBA History

In a tense back-and-forth negotiation to determine which party is more irrelevant within the league-wide context, SF Gerald Wallace and the Charlotte Bobcats appeared to inch closer to coming to an agreement Tuesday afternoon. The proposed deal would allow the Bobcats to retain Wallace, the top performer from last year's 33-49 team, for an estimated $60-million contract. In spite of the typical negotiation posturing, word out of Bobcats camp is that team officials feel the $60-million price tag may ultimately turn out to be the steal of this year's free agent class if the high-flying swingman can help the team replicate the .313 win percentage they have come to expect during the Gerald Wallace era.