Wolves Send KG To Celtics In Exchange For Entire Team, All Draft Picks, Ainge's Soul

The Boston Celtics and Minnesota Timberwolves reached an historic agreement certain to upset the balance of power in the Eastern Conference, a spokesperson for the Celtics confirmed Monday. The proposed deal would send Minnesota's All-NBA forward Kevin Garnett to Boston in exchange for the entire Celtics roster (other than Ray Allen and Paul Pierce), every draft pick in the foreseeable future, and general manager Danny Ainge's eternal soul.

"We couldn't be happier with the deal," gushed an effusive Ainge. "Sure we may only have three players left, but those three players are perennial All-Stars and consummate professionals. And by unloading so many players to Minnesota, we may have just enough room under the cap to sign someone for the veteran's minimum. Basically, we're on cloud nine here in Boston."

The blockbuster deal will likely leave an indelible mark on the NBA record books whether the Celtics win a championship or not. When the three All-Stars take the court together this season, it will mark the first time that a team has ever entered a season with less players on the roster than there are legally allowed on the court at one time. In fact, Garnett was reportedly already thrilled about the prospect of entering the Boston Hoop-It-Up 3-on-3 tournament with his new teammates the next time it rolls through town.

"I have been so close to winning it for so many years," confided Garnett. "I think Paul, Ray, and I can finally make it past the quarters. Hell, we may even enter the Top Gun division. Who knows?"

While the deal certainly signals an attempt by the Celtics to make a concerted run at the Finals with the veterans they have, it also ushers in a youth movement for the Wolves. Minnesota will likely have one of the youngest teams in the NBA next season, not to mention one of the fullest. GM Kevin McHale looks forward to what he feels will be the most competitive Training Camp that Minnesota has ever seen.

"With close to 30 players now on the roster, I fully anticipate the competition heating up come October," said McHale in a statement released to the media Monday evening.

The true determinant of which team ultimately walks away from this deal as the clear-cut winner, however, will likely hinge on the previously mentioned inclusion of Celtics' GM Danny Ainge's soul as the kicker.

When asked about surrendering control of his eternal fate and spiritual being, Ainge took a somewhat guarded stance on the issue.

"The fans here have been waiting a long time for another championship," remarked Ainge of the Boston faithful. "They are the most faith- did you say soul?!? Oh no...how long ago did I fax...oh sweet lord...McHALE!!!!!

Jason Kapono Still Waiting For Team USA Practice Invite

Jason Kapono's patience is beginning to wear a bit thin as he continues to await what he considers an almost certain invitation to participate on the Team USA practice squad.

The team, comprised of the best young up-and-coming talent in the NBA, will practice with and scrimmage against Team USA in an effort to help prepare them for next month's Olympic qualifying tournament in Las Vegas.

"I think it's only a matter of time before they come calling," Kapono boasted when asked of his chances of making the elite squad. "You can never have too many shooters out there to stretch the defense."

Managing director of the national team, Jerry Colangelo, has apparently identified a core group of 8-10 young NBA players that he plans on bringing in to not only help the current Team USA ready itself for international competition, but also as a potential glimpse into what the future of USA basketball might look like. Players already invited to the practice squad include Brandon Roy, Al Jefferson, Monta Ellis, Andre Iguodala, and David Lee.

Despite the seemingly dwindling amount of roster spots, Kapono remains confident that his somewhat specified skill-set will only help his chances of receiving an invitation.

"Look, let's be honest here. They don't need another guy who can slash, defend, and rebound. That's a dime a dozen in the league. If they're smart, they'll see that what I bring to the table is exactly what they are going to face from the international teams. I don't create my own shot; I don't play defense; I spot up and let if fly. I am 90% of what they will be seeing in Olympic play. We need to play smarter, not better...that is unless we want another bronze. Jason Kapono is their ticket to gold."

Celtics Waive Allan Ray; Cite Name Similarity As Reason

The Boston Celtics parted ways with promising young guard Allan Ray after admitting that the prospect of having two guards named Ray Allen and Allan Ray on the same roster was "just too confusing."

The second-year man out of Villanova scored over 20 points three times in somewhat limited action as a rookie, and had built upon that performance with a strong showing in this month's NBA Summer League.

In the end, however, his play on the court was just not enough to overcome having such an eerily similar name to recently acquired All-Star Ray Allen.

"We tried to make it work," explained Celtics GM Danny Ainge. "But the reality of the situation is that it just wasn't practical from a logistical standpoint. We wish Ray - I mean, Allan - the best of luck. Whichever team picks him up will really have a solid young player who can contribute right away."

It is rumored that Pug Rights Activists are already planning to stage a boycott outside Celtics training camp to protest the inhumane treatment of Ray.

NBA League Offices Close Down For Harry Potter Release

The NBA began a week-long sabbatical Wednesday in order to afford its employees an opportunity to immerse themselves in the seventh and final installment of the Harry Potter book series.

The sabbatical was originally scheduled to coincide with the July 21st release of the book, but the scandal involving referee Tim Donaghy pushed the break back until after commissioner David Stern's Tuesday press conference.

"The whole league has really caught Potter Fever," explained a seemingly rejuvenated Stern. "I think the timing of the Donaghy news breaking was really unfortunate. I know I said that it was the worst situation I have ever been involved in, but the postponement of our Harry Potter week actually cuts far deeper than any gambling scandal ever could."

Point Shaving Latest Reason Grandfather Hates NBA

In light of the recent point shaving scandal involving veteran NBA referee Tim Donaghy, millions of grandfathers around the country were given a much-desired opportunity to rant about their feelings towards the professional basketball league.

At weekend family get-togethers throughout the nation, NBA fans were subjected to what was assuredly a long-winded and bigotry-infused diatribe about the current state of the league relative to its previous eras.

"I mean, I'm sort of used to the racist comments and little asides on the purity of the game, but this new business about fixing games has really lit a fire under the old man," said Atlanta resident Steve Sampson, whose grandfather has not watched an NBA game since 1987. "I'm just glad it wasn't a black guy or a female official. I don't think I would have ever heard the end of that."

With further investigation pending, along with the extensive media coverage of the controversy, NBA fans see little possibility of a respite from the criticism for at least a few more months.

"I think Thanksgiving is shot," replied NBA fan and Dallas resident Mark Johnson, upon being asked when he thought normal conversation with his grandfather might resume. "I'm hoping that by Christmas the Democratic presidential primary race will have heated up to the point that the majority of his hostility will be consumed with all that."

Investigation Reveals Bavetta Took Dive In All-Star Race With Barkley

Already reeling from this weekend's scandalous headlines implicating referee Tim Donaghy in a point-shaving racket involving the mafia, the NBA received another blow Saturday when an independent investigation revealed that longtime official Dick Bavetta took a dive in his All-Star weekend race against TNT personality Charles Barkley.

In the report released to the media, Bavetta apparently took out a large bet against himself in order to pay off debts to the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP). The veteran official had long been rumored to be a covert operative for the organization placed in the league in order to referee in a manner that would help restore the game "to the way it used to be." His orders were clear: "stop all the dadgum travelin', no showboatin', and no slam dunkin' the basketball." Despite the obvious difficulty built into the job, representatives of the organization felt that progress was being made. That is until Saturday.

NBA commissioner David Stern quickly began damage control, releasing the following statement.

"We would like to assure our fans that no amount of effort, time or personnel is being spared to assist in this investigation, to bring to justice an individual who has betrayed the most sacred trust in professional sports, and to take the necessary steps to protect against this ever happening again," Stern said. "We will have more to say at a press conference that will be scheduled for next week."

The incident is yet another black eye for the league in a season that has seen numerous on- and off-court controversies, and more turmoil may be on the way as Bavetta has hinted that he will likely reveal the names of other officials and players involved in the race-fixing scandal.

Blockbuster Trade Falls Through As GMs Pull Heads From Asses

A potential blockbuster trade was "very close" to completion last week before talks deteriorated between the teams involved in the proposed three-way deal. Sources have confirmed that the rumored swap would have sent versatile Lakers forward Lamar Odom to the Nets, high flying Richard Jefferson from the Nets to the Bobcats, and up-and-coming forward Gerald Wallace from the Bobcats to the Lakers.

The deal apparently hit a snag when Bobcats minority owner Michael Jordan pulled his head out of his ass and realized that the agreement "would not really change much for any of the teams involved and require quite a bit of paperwork."

When asked to respond to the comments made by Jordan, Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak attempted to rationalize the trade, saying something about Gerald Wallace and Kobe having the same agent before finally assenting.

"You know, he does have a point," conceded Kupchak. "I mean fans don't realize just how much paperwork is involved in these deals."

Nets GM Rod Thorn could not be reached for comment, but a representative for the team confessed that the organization "actually really prefers Richard [Jefferson] to the other two players involved," but that the Nets were "just being polite since the trade probably wouldn't have gotten [them] out of the second round in the East either way."

Despite all this, there are rumblings out of Charlotte that Jordan may be willing to reconsider the deal if the Nets throw in a conditional second round draft pick, saying, "Ooh...You can never have too many of those."

Brian Scalabrine Named Cover Athlete For Sony's NBA '08 Video Game

After the recent announcement that ESPN's NBA 2K8 will feature Hornets point guard Chris Paul as the cover star for its multi-platform fall release, Sony wasted little time in naming Celtics forward Brian Scalabrine as the cover athlete for its own NBA-licensed video game title.

"With EA Sports locking up Gilbert Arenas early on and 2K Sports closing the deal with Chris Paul this afternoon, we went with the player we identified from the beginning as who we wanted as the face of this franchise," gushed the elated lead programming developer for NBA '08 in a statement released Thursday evening. "We believe that no one better embodies the ideals and image of our line better than Brian Scalabrine, and we did not feel it necessary to waste anymore time before making it official."

The video gaming message boards are already abuzz with excitement over what many feel is the first time ever seeing a near perfect match between cover athlete and game. EA Sports' NBA Live '08 is always the top seller and is known for a slightly more run and gun, arcade-style game play, which is certainly represented by the enigmatic Arenas. NBA 2K8 is typically thought of as the more realistic, simulation-based experience, quite similar to the steady style of play brought by Paul. The NBA '08 series, on the other hand, is known for the sub-par visuals and sluggish, inept game play that characterize Scalabrine on a nightly basis.

Though too early to tell which game may have the edge this season, critics seem to be in agreement that the Scalabrine signing has once again solidified NBA '08's niche in what is the most competitive market in sports video gaming. While it may not have the fun factor of an NBA Live or the realism of a 2K sports game, your grandmother will assuredly still give it to you for Christmas even after explicit directions on how to identify and purchase one of the other two games.

Bo Outlaw Momentarily Ecstatic Upon Reading Travis Outlaw Signs With Portland

Free agent power forward Bo Outlaw felt his heart momentarily leap from his chest Wednesday as he read about the Trail Blazers re-signing small forward Travis Outlaw to a three-year deal. The spontaneous joy lasted only a few seconds, however as he quickly realized his error.

"I'm sad to say that it wasn't the first time I've made this mistake," a despondent Bo Outlaw remarked by telephone from his Orlando home. "In the 2003 draft, I thought for a split second that I had somehow been re-drafted. I know what you're thinking, but that instant is inescapable. I mean, it's just not a common last name."

When asked about his own prospects for the coming season, Outlaw muttered something about retirement before trailing off into unintelligible ramblings of the 1999 "Heart and Hustle" season during his first stint with the Magic.

Weather Channel Forced To Report On NBA Free Agency

In what would otherwise seem a bizarre programming selection, The Weather Channel has begun tracking the comings and goings of the NBA free agency period in an effort to alert viewers to the potentially deadly fluctuations in precipitation brought about by wealthy, celebratory athletes "makin' it rain."

Though at first thought to be yet another innocuous hip-hop trend, the recent wave of flood-related fatalities in Orlando, Chicago, Memphis, and Detroit have shed light upon the darker side of the big free agent payday so many athletes strive to achieve.

"If you are in a low-lying area anywhere near a high-end strip club, you must, I repeat, must have your free agency preparedness kit ready," warned The Weather Channel's Jim Cantore. "And if you happen to be caught outdoors and hear a sound like a freight train or an incomprehensibly simplistic rap song approaching, take immediate cover."

Meteorologists warn that those viewers residing in NBA cities currently under the salary cap should prepare themselves for the worst. Whenever possible, viewers are being asked to pack up and head to cities that either do not have an NBA franchise or whose franchise is currently near or above the luxury tax threshold. Residents of cities with mid-level exceptions are under a "make it rain" watch and are advised to take extreme caution, while cities with players signing max contracts are under mandatory evacuation until the start of training camp.

NBA 'At End of Rope'; Sends Jackson, Artest To Rooms

After the most recent in a long string of off-the-court misconduct issues, an exasperated David Stern took a bold step in attempting to curtail the recurring transgressions of the Warrriors' Stephen Jackson and the Kings' Ron Artest.

On the heels of the latest seven game suspensions handed down to the repeat offenders (for separate incidents), the commissioner changed approaches with how he is going to deal with the seemingly oblivious Jackson and Artest.

"I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and something he said really hit home," said Stern in a Sunday evening press conference. "I need to put my foot down and re-establish control of the situation."

In an effort to do just that, Stern went on to announce that both Jackson and Artest were being sent to their respective rooms to "think about what they've done." In addition to the initial punishment, neither player will be allowed to participate in any organized team activities for the next four weekends, nor will they be allowed dessert upon completion of dinner.

When informed of commissioner Stern's latest stipulations, an indignant Artest covered his ears and stomped away before answering any questions, while Stephen Jackson clutched his hand gun and knife to his chest, screaming "Mine! Mine! You can't have 'em"

It is believed that representatives for the NBAPA have already begun the process of appealing the punishments. While not likely to challenge the room banishment, the NBAPA feels that the withholding of dessert is too severe a consequence when comparing recent punishments for commensurate off-the-court misconduct.

We have also received unsubstantiated speculation that in addition to the terms of punishment outlined in the press conference, Stern may require Jackson and Artest to help clean out his gutters if he feels that the players have not adequately learned their lesson.

Yi Demands Trade To Honolulu, Will Wait For Franchise

In a bold tactical maneuver by the representatives of the sixth pick in last month's draft, the agent for Yi Jianlian informed the Bucks Friday that the Chinese forward will in fact follow through on the long-rumored demand to be traded to a city with a larger Chinese population.

After weeks of little contact between Yi and the Bucks and rampant speculation that Yi would request to have his draft rights traded to an organization located in a metropolitan area with a higher Chinese population, few could have predicted the Yi camp ultimately settling on Honolulu, HI as his desired destination.

When asked whether or not a trade request to a city without a franchise would be a setback for Yi's chances of playing in the NBA this season, agent Dan Fegan remained optimistic.

"From the very beginning of this process, we identified Honolulu as one of a short list of potential destinations for Yi. Once we determined that Golden State, Sacramento, and New York would not be able to accommodate a trade, we turned to the market with the next-biggest Chinese population. With Yi as the centerpiece, we're confidant that the details will quickly fall into place."

Spurs, Rockets Complete Blockbuster Deal

In a move that will certainly upset the balance of power in the West and likely have a ripple effect throughout the entire league, the San Antonio Spurs sent center Jackie Butler and forward Luis Scola to Houston in exchange for guard Vassilis Spanoulis, a future second round pick, and cash.

The agreement, completed late Thursday, should provide the Rockets with the critical missing components to complement what will be a very strong returning core led by All-Stars Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. One Western Conference executive who asked to remain anonymous went so far as to suggest that had Butler and Scola been with the Rockets last season, the fate of former head coach Jeff Van Gundy may have turned out differently.

"Let's face it, the Rockets were just a tweak or two away from being a real contender in the West last season. If you asked all the GMs around the NBA what they felt the Rockets were missing last year, 90 percent would give you the same answer: a mediocre backup ccnter to stash on IR and the rights to a solid frontcourt player currently playing overseas. Had Van Gundy had access to those resources, he likely would have been able to save his job."

The Butler/Scola trade looks to be yet another blunder in a long string of hapless personnel moves by the Spurs. Clearly the Rockets have taken advantage of the somehow-reigning champions and set themselves up to be the crown jewel of the Southwest Division for years to come.

Medvedenko Realizing Free Agency Not As Great As Shaq Described

Unrestricted free agent forward Slava Medvedenko is quickly coming to the realization that the wining and dining free agency courting process described by his former Lakers teammates is not quite as lavish as he had been led to believe.

"Shaq tells of fancy dinners, beautiful women...I see none of this," lamented Medvedenko.

The seventh-year forward out of the Ukraine had spent the majority of his NBA career with the Los Angeles Lakers before being picked up last season by the Atlanta Hawks.

When reached for comment, Medvedenko had just exited a Los Angeles-area Arby's after a business meeting with his agent. Though Medvedenko would not specify what teams have contacted him, he did not rule out a return to the Lakers. While he noted that he ideally prefers the milder climate and laid-back lifestyle of the West to the hustle and bustle of the East, his strongest preference at the moment is for someone, anyone to call and mercifully end the sleepless nights of gentle sobbing in his underwear next to the soul-crushing silence of his telephone. Anyone but the Hawks, I mean. He said there's no way in hell he's going back there.

Magic Thoughtfully Allow Other Teams To Improve At Their Expense

In a move designed to postpone the requisite feeling of shame and inadequacy that accompany an Orlando Magic first round draft selection, the franchise completed a ground-breaking deal with the Memphis Grizzlies on Wednesday. Though the terms of the agreement were not officially disclosed, it is believed that the deal will send perennial underachiever Darko Milicic and the Magic's 2008 and 2009 first round draft picks to Memphis in exchange for the peace of mind of not having to make a hilariously misguided and uninformed selection for at least two more seasons.

Though officially the first of its kind, this type of deal is not entirely unfamiliar to the Magic organization. Just two seasons ago the Magic made a similar trade with the Pistons that also happened to involve the 6'11'' power forward. This agreement allowed the Magic to give the Pistons' its first round selection in this year's draft in exchange for the right to renounce Milicic's rights and allow him to sign with an organization that actually attempts to develop its young talent.

Steve Francis Era Comes To A Close In Portland

The Steve Francis era came to an emotional end Wednesday as the Blazers bought out the remaining $30-million left on the former all-star's contract. In what can only be described as one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching decisions I've ever had to watch a front office make, Portland has cut ties with "Stevie Franchise" after arguably the most successful 13 day span since Bill Walton donned a Blazers jersey.

For the sake of our beloved Stevie, let's do ourselves a service and just let the tears flow. There are times to be strong and there are times like this. If you'll indulge me a bit and allow me to editorialize for a minute here, what were the Blazers thinking!?! This looked like the turning point for a franchise in disrepair. I mean, since acquiring Francis, the town had rallied around the much-maligned organization and had begun to rekindle it's love of the once-dominant Blazers. We had seen billboards, parades, pep rallies...I just don't get it.

Now all they're left with is a bitter taste in their mouth and a $30-million heartache. And to think, I actually thought the Blazers were serious about turning it around this time.

The now questionable state of the Blazers aside, what will become of Steve? With the combination of Steve's insatiable sense of philanthropy and the downtrodden state of the economy, I give him a year - two tops - before he has given all his earnings away to the less fortunate. For this reason I am proposing that we all rally around Steve and form a "Save The Franchise" organization to ensure our little champion's well-being. In fact, as a sign of solidarity, I am donating the Steve Francis Trail Blazers jersey I purchased on Monday to be auctioned off on Ebay, with all the proceeds going to STF. We're all going to have to sacrifice if we want to make a difference. What say you, fellow humans? One of our own needs us. If you're on board, leave me a comment about what you plan to do for Steve. Gotta run, I have Cuttino Mobley on the line and he is donating the jock strap they shared during their time in Orlando and Houston. The wheels are in motion...

Wallace, Bobcats Deadlocked In Most Meaningless Negotiation In NBA History

In a tense back-and-forth negotiation to determine which party is more irrelevant within the league-wide context, SF Gerald Wallace and the Charlotte Bobcats appeared to inch closer to coming to an agreement Tuesday afternoon. The proposed deal would allow the Bobcats to retain Wallace, the top performer from last year's 33-49 team, for an estimated $60-million contract. In spite of the typical negotiation posturing, word out of Bobcats camp is that team officials feel the $60-million price tag may ultimately turn out to be the steal of this year's free agent class if the high-flying swingman can help the team replicate the .313 win percentage they have come to expect during the Gerald Wallace era.

Oden Takes High Road, Bows Out Of Summer League

Greg Oden is a gentleman's gentleman. What more can you say about the guy after learning that he has bowed out of the rest of this season's Summer League games? Obviously the most natural conclusion to draw is that this was an act of deference and submission to Marco Belinelli as the run-away Rookie of the Year, in spite of it only being July.

Now the Blazers would like us to believe that this hiatus has been brought upon as a result of health-related issues, but we've all been around the game long enough to see right through that kind of posturing. Tonsils the size of golf balls? We're not buying it, Blazers. The only golf balls responsible for this move are the ones nestled snuggly beneath Marco Belinelli's compression shorts.

Marcus Banks Drops Record 42 On Cavs, But...

For those of you giddy over last night's record-breaking Summer League scoring effort by the Suns' Marcus Banks, I am here to shed a bit of perspective on the accomplishment, and this in no way has anything to do with any sort of sour grapes on behalf my newfound Italian Stallion, Marco Belinelli, now having only the third highest point total in a Summer League game.

Those of you who know me know that I only occasionally harbor basketball-related grudges, and almost never when they relate to my precious Suns. But if I'm gonna play devil's advocate on this one, and bring a sense of unbiased reason to this debate, then I would have to simply bring up the fact that this is completely unjust and Marcus Banks has no place in the Summer League. I mean, at the risk of sounding like a four-year old, it's just not fair. Actually, that brings up a good point. Marcus Banks is like a four-year old...a four-year old playing with a bunch of one- and two-year olds. The Summer League is no place for a four-year vet that recently signed a five-year, 21-million dollar contract. I think we'll all agree now that the record-breaking performance just doesn't hold up to scrutiny. Let's face it, the last time I played against a bunch of one- and two-year olds, I looked like Hot Sauce out there. They just don't have the muscle coordination yet. Like the mothers of the toddlers I was crossing over said, "It's just not right..."

Belinelli Strikes Again!

Newly-christened poster child of Open Look Hoops followed up his historic debut Saturday with an impressive second act on Monday against the 76ers. Belinelli finished the game with 23 points, connecting on 5 of 8 from downtown. Que Bella, Marco!

D-League's Idaho Stampede Purchased As Affiliate For Fall Intramural Team

I am proud to announce the purchase of the NBA Developmental League's Idaho Stampede to serve as the exclusive affiliate for my intramural squad, Matt's Pajamas. Following the trend started by the Los Angeles Lakers (which bought the LA D-Fenders), and right off the heels of the World Champion San Antonio Spurs' recent purchase of the Austin Toros, I felt the timing was right to jump on this opportunity before any other organizations beat me to the punch.

Now owning my own D-League affiliate will assuredly have its benefits. I mean, what other intramural team will have the good fortune of being able to allow its players to get vital in-game experience in between intramural contests. Like when Jordan Farmar became the first player to play in an NBA and D-League game in one day, I plan on having the first player to play in a D-League and intramural game in the same day. Looks like that Mondays at 10:30 pm time slot was a real blessing in disguise.

In addition to the individual benefits that come from the increased opportunites to get on the floor, owning the Stampede will be the perfect chance to put in some extra work on my offensive system. That's right, just like the Lakers have the D-Fenders run the Triangle, I am going to have the Stampede run our intramural offense, which primarily consists of isolation plays designed to complement my mastery of the Jimmy Dolan Shake 'n Bake.

The only regret that I have about this entire process is that the Austin Toros (those blood-suckers) swept newly-hired head coach Quin Snyder right out from underneath me. I had been courting him pretty exclusively ever since Missouri sentenced themselves to a future of mediocrity by letting Snyder walk a few years back. In hindsight, devoting the majority of my spare time to wooing a hypothetical head coaching candidate may not have been the best use of my time, but as you may or may not know, I require anyone on my coaching staff to have passed the bar exam, so that really kind of tied my hands on the issue. I probably should have had a some sort of backup plan, but my ownership style is all about taking big risks and getting big rewards. I wonder if Pat Summitt has a law degree...and if she's free Mondays at 10:30...

If You're Not Watching Summer League Ball, May God Have Mercy On Your Soul

I know what you're thinking, and no, I'm not going to pretend that the Summer League means much, if anything. But I just finished watching the China-Cavs game on NBATV, and it really was the cherry on top of what was a great first weekend of Summer League games. Obviously the big story was Yi's nice second half culminating in his game-winner at the buzzer. It is going to be very interesting to monitor his development. Unfortunately that likely means that I will have to subject myself to Bucks games in order to do so.

Yi isn't the reason I felt compelled to post though. In fact, whenever possible I will try not to subject you to regurgitated and obvious opinions. While Yi and future Laker (and 6'9'' PG might I add) Yue Sun were the hot topics of discussion amongst the commentators, a less-heralded sharpshooter named Shipeng Wang happened to catch my eye. Now I didn't notice him having quite the same impact in the previous games, but that guy can play a little. If someone doesn't have his rights, he might be worth taking a flyer on in the second round one of these years. He's 24, experienced and can hit the open J. There are always teams that can use someone like that - like the team he helped defeat tonight. I'm going to keep an eye on him, partly because I think he can play and partly because I don't currently have a life. For those of you with lives, I'll let you know what I find out. Before I change gears slightly though, I have one more thought regarding Shipeng...What if William Hung hasn't actually been butchering Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" but in fact been trying desperately to enlighten NBA scouts to the best kept secret in China: Shi-Peng! Shi-Peng! For William Hung's sake, I hope I'm right.



I would be remiss if I did not give my obligatory props to a former Gator who I can't help but get giddy over when I see him on the offensive side of the floor (notice I said offensive). Matty Walsh somehow still can get it done offensively, in spite of his hair really losing some volume since he went over to Greece. I know I will get ripped by those of you who value defense and athleticism in a player, but I'm sorry, he makes things happen when the ball's in his hands. Somehow Walsh ended up running point for the Cavs for basically the entire second half. I don't know if that was an ingenius move by the coaching staff or if they blacked out and Walsh subbed himself in. Either way, he dropped a few sick dimes and hit a ridiculous trey from like 30 feet to put the Cavs up before Yi stole the spotlight. Obviously Walsh will not make the Cavs, but last time I checked they needed perimeter shooting and when you look at their Summer League roster, he's about all they have. They couldn't...They wouldn't...I mean they were subbing offense-defense to get him off the floor when China had the ball. That means that you're either too important to keep off the court or too hilariously awkward on defense to play both ways. We all know the answer to that, but for one night, Matty Walsh can dream.

Side note: For the sake of Taurean Green's chances of making a roster, I really hope this Summer League doesn't close with us all agreeing that Walsh was the most effective former Gator playing PG this week.

Anyway, Blazers-Mavs just started. I've gotta go get my Pops Mensah-Bonsu fix.

I Can't Believe My First Ever Blog Post Is About Marco Belinelli's Summer League Debut

Well, this isn't quite how I envisioned bursting onto the blog scene...I'd been holding out for something with a little more zazz - like breaking the story that the Fran Vasquez selection of two drafts ago was in fact just the surface of a league-wide conspiracy to prevent the Magic from ever making it out of the first round of the playoffs again. Or if there weren't any conspiracies to unearth, at least I could write a scathing social commentary blasting the league for something far more important than dress codes or racist refs. But the inspiration had yet to strike...

That is until I witnessed Marco Belinelli put on a clinic in his debut Saturday for the Golden State Warriors Summer League team. The fresh-faced Italian rookie looked squarely into the face of pre-draft comparisons to Manu Ginobili and said, "I see your Ginobili, and I'll raise you a Jordan." Belinelli ended up with 37 points, going 14 of 20 from the floor (not to mention 5 of 7 from beyond the arc). That little performance earned him a spot in Summer League history, as only Keith Bogans' 38 point debut for the Magic in 2004 stands above what Belinelli did to the Hornets Saturday. Now I certainly won't go so far as to say that Marco Belinelli is the next Keith Bogans. No incoming rookie should be burdened with those kind of expectations. Talk about setting someone up to fail.

High expectations or not though, I currently have Belinelli on pace to score 3,034 points next season, just edging out Wilt Chamberlain's 1960-61 season for the fourth highest single season total of all time. While it's only probable that he sustains that scoring pace, he should have no trouble fitting into the "shooting a contested three on a four-on-one break is the look we want out of our transition game" offense the Warriors showcased to perfection in the Mavs series and to their demise in the Jazz series.

The more I watched Belinelli torch the Hornets Saturday, the more I realized that his performance wasn't just a ho-hum start to a Hall of Fame career - nay, it was also the perfect analogy for my nascent career in the blogosphere: one that lights up the scoreboard in the summer while no one is guarding it, then quickly fizzles once Bruce Bowen knees it in the crotch in November. How does an intangible blog that nobody reads get an All-Defensive team stopper to the point of even wanting to knee it in its non-existant crotch? Well, my friends, I could tell you the answer, but that would be getting a little too metaphysical for my first post. Let's just sit back and see how it all unfolds, shall we?