Heat Sign Penny Hardaway As Eastern Conference Apparently In Denial Over What Decade It Is

Evidently unhappy with the current imbalance of power in the NBA, the Eastern Conference is attempting to return to the 90s, the era when it was last relevant in the eyes of fans and the media. At least, that is the only possible explanation that can be deduced to explain the recent trend of Eastern Conference teams showing interest in players who haven't been effective in many years.

After the rumored courtship between the Celtics and Reggie Miller, two more former stars found themselves in the news today. Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway has signed an undisclosed contract with the Miami Heat, while former Knick teammate Allan Houston is reportedly considering a comeback of his own with the Cavs, Celtics, or a handful of other teams.

"This is a great day for the Miami Heat," announced president and head coach Pat Riley Thursday. "We have finally realized our dream as an organization of reuniting Shaq and Penny, the most electrifying tandem in the league. Granted we would have really preferred to accomplish this about 10 years ago, but nevertheless, we are still ecstatic."

At the current rate, there is no way to predict which former All-Stars may be in the news tomorrow, but if the trend of the last two days continues, Open Look Hoops' statistical models project that when the season tips off this fall, a whopping 98.2% (margin of error +/- 98.1%) of NBA rosters will be comprised of players making comebacks.

Although there are still months before the start of camp and many of the rumored comebacks are merely speculation at this point, Open Look Hoops is cautiously advising its readers to go ahead and get their Detlef Schrempf jerseys out of storage in order to allow ample time for them to air out before the regular season begins.