Juwan Howard Demands Trade...Seriously

Minnesota power forward Juwan Howard, acquired this past June from the Rockets in exchange for guard Mike James, has made it known that he has no intention of ever suiting up for the Wolves.

In an interview with a Minneapolis newspaper Sunday, Howard shared his displeasure over the Kevin Garnett trade and expressed his desire to be traded to a team with more immediate playoff aspirations.

"I have been around this league a long time, and I don't have many years left," intimated Howard. "I think I have whined enough throughout my career to have earned the opportunity to bring my selfish attitude and unorthodox shot to a contender who will likely neither want or need me."

When notified of Howard's request for a trade, Wolves GM Kevin McHale offered a typically diplomatic response for a GM seeking bargaining leverage.

"When did we trade for Juwan Howard?" asked an expressionless McHale. "I mean, he definitely seems like the type of player I would want to build around, but I honestly have no recollection of when that trade might have happened."

Howard's agent expressed a similarly cryptic attitude about his client's request.

"You're kidding me, right? Last time I checked, Juwan had been out of the league for the past two seasons. But what do I know? I'm just his agent. Check your facts next time, buddy..."

In spite of the primary parties required to complete a trade having no apparent knowledge of his presence on the Wolves roster, Howard could not keep himself from speculating as to potential destinations.

"Well, like I said, I'm only willing to go to a contender at this point," explained the 13-year veteran. "San Antonio would work. I think my inability to defend would really fit their system. Phoenix as well - I could really slow them down. Cleveland is another one because Lebron needs veteran leaders to show him how not to act. Any of those three would be good fits, I think. Now it's all in the hands of the man upstairs..."